Just when you think you have all your ducks in a row, something changes and you have to chase them for a bit to realign them!! haha. If you follow me on Facebook you would have seen I had some badass sunburn. I slathered the small people in sunscreen and popped a rashie on the smallest of the small people, neglected to coat myself effectively. Whoops!
When you have mental health issues (or had) the smallest thing can really throw you off. I work hard at my life, myself and having things flowing as much as I can to avoid anxiety and stress. From the way my home is decorated, to the making sure I get help with the kids and housework, to taking time out to exercise and rest. All of these things aren’t a fluke, they are carefully orchestrated to minimise stress and maximise peace.
With my back, bum and legs burnt, I haven’t been able to hike, lift weights, swim or even sit down. It really threw me off for day, I became emotional and a little overwhelmed. Funnily enough I also smashed my phone and went without one for 24 hours!! I am a bit of a hippie, peace, love and rainbows. The hippie in me once I calmed the fuck down and meditated on what was happening said ” You needed to slow down and take stock”. Not having a phone was actually kinda cool. People in the shopping centre made eye contact, lots smiled and some even struck up conversations!! Haha! Go figure, with our heads out of our phones or asses lol, people really want to connect. Not surprisingly most of these people were the elderly. Do you ever unplug? I think I am going to take a day per month, to do just that. I remember the days when I was a kid, phones were “accidentally” left off the hook to give families peace during meals or family talks.
I believe everything that happens has a message in it for us, something to help us grow. I think the message may have also been, trust what is, trust where you are, trust that there is a bigger picture. Also not having a phone and not being able to do anything left me alone with me. Do you know what? I like the person I am becoming. I like the person I am. I love my wonderful life.
Time out gives us time to reflect. It’s why some people struggle with Yoga and meditation. It’s just you, stripped back to your core. That can be a really hard thing to face, if you are not open and ready.
During my couple of days of reflection I also felt a little sad. With every change, every anniversary and every significant event, I get a little reminder of how different things are these days. Also when my younger children can do things that my older daughter can not, it gives me a sadness that is hard to describe.
My youngest child is about to turn 3, she’s the funniest little girl. She brings me so much joy and only lately a little frustration. I have just heard the phrase “threenager”, emotions are up and down. Frustration at inability to do all they want to do without the necessary skills is also high.She is, at times reminding me a little of Chelsea, before her accident, with her feisty ways. Sometimes Mr 11 also reminds me of Callum and that is bitter sweet, lovely and sad. Little Miss E is a HUGE part of my recovery from PTSD and also has played a role in healing my broken heart. Love and time does heal, plus a whole heap of self love and work.
I have reflected on the years of pain and sadness, I didn’t allow myself to stay there or focus to much. The feelings floated in and out as they do around significant events (like a 3rd bday) and I came to something. My life used to be a whole heap of pain and sadness with a little love. These days my life is a whole heap of love and a little sadness and that I am extremely greatful for.
My life USED to be a whole heap of pain and sadness with a little love. Now it’s a whole heap of love with a little sadness. That I am extremely greatful for.
Sending you all much love for the weekend. Hoping your ducks are in a row and if they are not, you find them and sort them out soon.
Jazz – Just wingin it
Diffusing – Clarity
Wearing – aloe vera and a smile
Listening to – family laughing at ‘Rush hour 3’
Nicole Fleet says
So beautifully written Jazz – thanks for sharing your insights & journey through life. Self reflection & growth is such a beautiful thing if we allow it to be xx