This is hard to say but,
I am just a pretend adult. 41 years old and still waiting for the day when i feel like a grown up. Do i get a special email, a text or a visit from men in suits? Do I get a card or a song? Tell me when you knew 🙂
I don’t know how to keep a perfect home, be a perfect Mum, I don’t know recipes off by heart. I don’t care for school gate gossip. I don’t care for filling every moment of my child’s life with sports, music or extrafuckingcurricular activities. They can choose those things, but i won’t insist. I don’t know all about current world events, hell, I don’t even watch the news.
Conversations about investments and stock market go straight over my head, i might smile and nod, but I’m secretly wondering about what you might look like naked, whether you’ve danced in the rain or if you eat cereal for dinner. I am an imposter.
Sometimes I think you have noticed. I stand awkwardly in a social circle as I listen to your adult chit chat. My mind wanders off and I notice your pretty red shoes that match your pretty red lips. I notice that you stand tall, i notice that you fiddle with your wedding ring and glance to the side at the skinny blonde with the perfect tits.
I notice that behind your loud laugh and big smile are sad tired eyes. I wonder if you might be a pretend adult too?
My daughter says “you’re not a real grown up Mum” and I whisper “I know honey, but I love you bigger than the whole wide world” and she runs off to dance and twirl to the daggy music from my younger years, played over and over on Youtube.
I am just a pretend adult. I don’t care what car you drive, whether you earn $25,000 or $250,000. I don’t care if you eat all day long or like a little bird. I don’t care for revenge or karma or any such things.
I say swear words as easily and readily as “I love you”. I hug people tight and sometimes for too long. For as much as much heart bursts with love it also breaks with loss. I know how fragile life is and don’t take any day for granted. I sometimes think that you don’t know these things. Do you know this could be your last day?
Grow up sounds like grow old. I want to be the woman at 90 years old, with the cheeky glint in her eyes whispering “I am just a pretend adult you know”.
Jazz – Just wingin it
Thanks Jazz, this is me all day eVeryday lucki for me i surround myself with people who understand me. 😁
Heheheheh, I expect there are a lot more of us out there 😉
Veronica sinicropi says
Enjoy being whatever makes you hapPy 😘😂🙋
I feel like I had grown up around the 27/28 yr old mark. I think I felt that people were taking me seriously by that point as in I was old enough to have some life experience, I had 2 children, I was making some major life decisions. IE: deciding to divorce my first husband after 7 yrs of marriage as I finally knew that I had a standard of how marriage should be and mine did not fit that bill at all. BUT I also understand exactly how you feel as I often feel that way too, like I’m observing from the outside looking in thinking Gee these people seem so grown up and intellectual. I went through a stage of trying to like the ‘supposed’ grown up wines and reading the grown up books and sounding like I had an interest in pursuing further study and getting my masters (and of course there is nothing wrong with any of those things) but it just wasn’t me. So I’ve determined that there are many types that make the world go around and my place as my version of grown up is just as important as the next persons and pretending is simply exhausting! I really liked this post Jazz, thanks! 🙂