I was a FAT bride and the world didn’t fall in a heap…
Fat, a word to describe adipose tissue on a human. People get all kinds of crazy on the internet when you call someone fat, which is understandable because there has been years of negativity associated with the word.
You would think describing yourself as fat woman would be more acceptable, but no, people get all kinds of crazy about that too. It’s all about context. I like to say “I have fat”, which I do, sometimes I have a little fat, sometimes I have a big old heap of fat.
Every day we are bombarded with the concept that FAT = LAZY, FAT = STUPID, FAT = UNLOVABLE and you will never achieve success in life if you have a little more ‘cushion for the pushin’ .
I was brought up by parents that were not fixated on looks or fashion. Dad likes kooky things, he likes printed t’s, paisley ties, multiple tattoos and a weird penchant for styling his beard. Mum likes to wear things that are flattering and comfortable. Growing up she rarely wore makeup and I don’t think she ever said negative things about her body in front of us.
Fast Forward to my 38th year of life, I’d had 4 children, my weight had been everything from 50 something kilos to a whopping 111kg the day I was ready to give birth. Im 5ft3 (163cm?) and carry my fat around the tummy and bust.
I have always been a confident, outgoing person, but body insecurities used to eat at me. It wasn’t until I started to honour my body by eating good food, finding exercise that I loved and doing Dru Yoga that I could say I loved and was at peace with my body.
I planned the wedding of my dreams in about 6 weeks! I booked a florist, DJ, makeup artist, the venue, the celebrant within 2 weeks. I knew exactly what I wanted and was so excited.
The thing that worried me the most was ‘The dress’, all the negative self talk was creeping in. I think I said to my husband “I hope I find something that fits, that doesn’t look ugly”. I was about a size 18 with a HH bra! These tatas were amazing!
I probably should mention that I had recently given birth to my 4th child, she was a big baby and was obsessed with breastfeeding, I was a great cow so it makes sense. Hehe.
I went with my friend to try on dresses. The lady in the store almost had a coniption when she heard we were about a month from the big day. She informed me people looked at and ordered dresses a year in advance these days, whoops sorry, didn’t get the memo about ‘everyone else’! What it meant was that I needed to find a dress that was in stock and have any alterations needed pronto.
The first dress I tried on showed the fact I had a baby pouch (deflated pregnancy belly from giving birth 12 weeks before), I sighed, it fit. The lady rambled about how fishtail dresses would be great for me, I didn’t agree.
The next dress I tried on was even less flattering.
The third dress I tried on I teared up. I looked really good. Actually I looked bloody gorgeous!
I was so excited, I bought it straight away and had a few minor alterations done.
The wedding day came and everything went smoothly, everyone said I looked beautiful and I believed them.
When the photos came back from the photographer I put all the ones up on Facebook that were the most ‘flattering’, the ones that made me look like I had the least fat. The were all lovely. I cringed at the ones showed my double chin, had my big mumma jugs hanging out or showed the big fat belly that I was hiding under the incredibly boned dress.
That was UNTIL 2 years later. I have spent the last 2 years working on myself from the inside out. I owe my sanity and wellness to Dru Yoga and especially my teacher Dani. (There will be another whole blog about this). I went back through all the photos that I didn’t portay me in a way that I thought society would see as beautiful and worthy of the love my husband gives me. Guess what? I LOVE those photos the most now, they show me laughing, bent over with rolls and double chin, but they capture the absolute love and JOY I felt on that day.
I posted those photos to Facebook for all to see. Nothing bad happened.
I was a FAT bride and the world didn’t fall in a heap.
Just wingin it
Wearing : Joy
Diffusing : Acceptance
Listening to : Little Miss E playing