There are a million and one things I am so grateful for. SO MANY THINGS\u2026So, in the name of not boring you with all the wonder, here is a list of things I am too old for or in other words, give no fucks about. Enjoy.<\/p>\n

1 –\u00a0 Caring about whether you think I am a good person. A quote I love is this \u201cbe a good person but don\u2019t waste time trying to prove it\u201d.<\/p>\n

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2 – The latest and greatest diet product. NO, NOPE, FUCK NO. Been there done that, have the t shirt. I know what works, eat less shit, move more often. Wow! Amazing<\/p>\n

3 – Parenting advice from supposed experts! Fuck off. Don\u2019t care. Unless you\u2019re preaching to love more, hug more, treat your kids like actual people, talk to them\u2026.The rest is fillers\u2026filling our minds with more shit I give no fucks about. Also I know my kids know they are loved and at the end of the day and their last breath, you will know that\u2019s what mattered.<\/p>\n

4 – Entertaining our kids 24\/7 , that\u2019s a big fuck no from me. Mummy will engage and chat and play, but I am not your entertainment. Use your imagination.<\/p>\n

5 –\u00a0 Shopkins!! That\u2019s a big FUCK NO from me. I am not buying my daughter teeny tiny shitful rubber\/plastic things that will get stuck in my vacuum, not now, not ever. If anyone buys them for her they will donated to charity\u2026not even kidding!<\/p>\n

6 –\u00a0\u00a0Shit wine. If you\u2019re gonna be a booze hound, at least drink something that doesn\u2019t assault the taste buds. If you can\u2019t taste the difference then don\u2019t waste your money on good wine!! Haha, but don\u2019t buy me shit wine. This is the only time that the saying \u201cit\u2019s the thought that counts” is wrong!<\/p>\n

7 – Your drama! Seriously, if you\u2019ve got a real problem and ask for help, I will if I can. Dramatic bullshit that is your own doing because you have no real problem, nope, no fuck no. Run along.<\/p>\n

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8\u00a0 – People who are mean with money. If you are not poor be generous. Tight asses piss me off more than most things. Maybe I have a few \u201cChristian values and beliefs\u201d ingrained \u201cgive and it shall be given unto you\u201d<\/strong> Has always, always worked. Pay it forward mofo! If you have a roof over your head, bills paid and food in your fridge you are FUCKING RICH compared to most on this beautiful planet. Giving enriches the lives of others and you will be surprised how it will enrich yours. Give it a go.<\/p>\n

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9 – Whilst we\u2019re on finances, people earning more than 60K a year telling me they are poor. NO! No you are not. I lived on 20K a year with a family for a couple of years. Hard to imagine. It was tough, but do you know what, I never moaned about money to others. There is ALWAYS someone worse off and if you earn 80K+ a year and tell me you\u2019re poor I will secretly think you\u2019re a dick\u2026or now not so secretly.<\/p>\n

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10 –\u00a0 Buying the latest and greatest to impress people. No one gives a fuck and those that do are miserable, vacuous boring empty shells. Don\u2019t get me wrong, I fucking love designer things, good quality and fancy as fuck, but I would never want anyone to put themselves in debt trying to impress people by having them. DUMB. I\u2019d rather a beautiful kind soul in a $1 op shop dress than a cunt in Gucci. (s’cuse my French). Yes you can quote me.<\/p>\n

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11\u00a0 – Dick pics. BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH. WHAT?! Yes, every day there is a photo of a dick in my inbox. I am too old for that shit, what do you think I am going to do? Leave my husband and family for your almighty good looking cock? Nope. I may look and think \u201cyeah not too ugly\u201d, \u201cit\u2019s a shorty\u201d, \u201cit\u2019s a cervix jabber\u201d\u2026BUT I will block and delete you after showing my husband what a knob jockey you are.<\/p>\n

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12\u00a0 – Internet jerkfaces , You know the person that has to be an argumentative jerk, say mean things, put people down. It\u2019s tempting! I know, sometimes I see an outfit that is fugly as sin and think eww, or someone saying that non vax parents are child abusers and I want to tear them a knew a-hole, but I am a grown ass woman and stop myself. Try that! Move from the keyboard, breathe real air, talk to a real life person. It soon passes.<\/p>\n

13 –\u00a0 Kids screaming in public places and parents not trying to console, calm or quieten them. I will smile at you because I know parenting is bloody tough, but you\u2019re in a public space, for the love of serenity please TRY and calm them. Before any one bangs on about special needs, that is not what I am meaning. Stop being #12 LOL<\/p>\n

14 – Bloggers trawling through Instagram nitpicking other bloggers, you\u2019re an asshole. There\u2019s a huge cyber world out there, there is room for all of us. One bloggers success doesn\u2019t take from yours. Stop being a jerkface bitch.<\/p>\n

15 –\u00a0 Your judgement. Too old, don\u2019t care. Another fab quote \u201cwhat others think of you is none of your business\u201d<\/p>\n

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16 – Rude shop assistants, waiters and anyone in customer service. Too old for that shit, do you want your job or not? Loads of people desperate for work, let them have it. A smile won\u2019t kill you and you\u2019ll get my cash if you just try, even a little not to be a miserable bastard.<\/p>\n

17\u00a0 –\u00a0\u00a0Middle aged bloggers writing ranty blogs about things they are too old for. Bahahahha. Oh. C\u2019mon that\u2019s a little funny.<\/strong><\/p>\n

18 –\u00a0 MLM! You\u2019re thinking, OMG, Don\u2019t you sell Young Living? Isn\u2019t that MLM. There is MLM and there are people genuinely just trying to run a small business. The MLM I\u2019m talking is the constant posting to Facebook about an \u201camazing opportunity\u201d, \u201cMiracle potions\u201d, \u201cPushy pushy messages\u201d, I am happy to look at and support your new venture, I can\u2019t tell you the amount of shit I\u2019ve bought supporting others, But don\u2019t ram it down my throat, I\u2019ll vomit.<\/strong> Don\u2019t pressure me, I get grumpy.<\/p>\n

19 –\u00a0 People who are offended by everything! *insert eye roll.\u00a0 If you\u2019re one of those people you will be unfollowing me right now. Bye. I can not and will not be anything other than my authentic self, if that offends you I am not your type of person, that\u2019s cool, go be offended somewhere else.<\/p>\n

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20 \u2013 People who hate people who swear (often the same people as #19). Swearing is a \u201csentence enhancer\u201d\u2026..well, kinda, sorta, it works for me. If you are going to be offended by something let it be worthwhile, be offended by people starving, inadequate healthcare, be offended by the elderly sitting alone for days at a time, be offended by inequality\u2026.Swearing is words, don\u2019t like them, move along. Don\u2019t like swearing, don\u2019t bloody swear!<\/p>\n

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I am too old for all of these things and more! What are you too old for? I\u2019d love a laugh\u2026<\/p>\n

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Much Love Jazz xoxox<\/p>\n

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