It’s so easy to get caught up in a world of why me? why not me? I wish I looked like her, I wish that was me…
Comparison is the thief of joy
Social media is a blessing and a curse, we see just small snap shot of people’s lives. We assume the woman with the perfect home, the perfectly groomed dog and the spotless white rug seems to live some kind of charmed life. I wish that was me, we say. I wish my home looked like that. I wish I could have a white rug. I wish I had her figure. I wish I had her partner, look at him! I wish I could own a car like that, go to Yoga each week and have a live in chef. I wish, I wish I wish.
Sorry, but wishes rarely come true without some kind of trade off. I saw a quote once that said “how much are you willing to lose, to gain what you want?”. What we forget is the lady with the perfect home, groomed dog and white rug, may wish she had a child to muddy the perfect white rug. You may not see that her husband recently died and his estate paid for the home you see. You might not see that she has worked 3 jobs her whole life and because of that has never found love! The stories unseen change the story that we create in our minds. Pretty pictures on instagram are just that, pretty pictures. Don’t attach meaning to meaningless things, or create a story in our minds far from reality.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a lovely life. There is nothing wrong with wanting a lovely home and pretty clothes. That is absolutely OK, but sitting about complaining about someone else won’t bring you a life like theirs, it will just bring you jealousy. Nothing good comes from jealousy. NOTHING. Let’s have things in perspective though, if you have a roof over your head, food in your cupboard, good health and bills paid you are so very blessed. Around this time of year I put a Facebook post up inviting people into my home at Xmas, to anyone who has no where to go, or struggling financially. Why do I do this? because those who can give, should. I live a life of greatfulness and part of being greatful is being able to give back.
For me , the biggest lie that we are told as women is that you can have everything PERFECT. There is always a trade off. You cannot give 100% to your career ,100% to your family as well as 100% to your partner, your hobbies and your sports. Something has to be done OK for other things to be done well. That is perfectly OK. We don’t need to be perfect. You don’t and I know I sure as hell am not. I’m not pretending to be, not for one second.
My own journey of ” I wish that was me” wasn’t in regards to material things. It was in regards to happiness, successful relationships and self esteem. I would see people in great relationships and would feel unlovable. I would see people living these amazing happy lives full of fun and adventure and feel I wasn’t ever going to be like them.
If someone had told me earlier that every single choice I had made, led me to the path I was at, that I had the power and only me, I wonder if I would have listened. We accept the love we think we deserve. I accepted the love I thought I deserved and that wasn’t very much!
Now I live a life by design, by choice. Nothing about my life and my family came from wishing. Nothing about my self esteem comes from comparison. Comparisons achieve nothing, they will only make you feel greater than or less than and neither of those things lead to us being the best versions of ourselves.
As my Nan used to say “mind your own biz”. When we focus on ourselves, our goals, our hopes and our dreams then we can stop wishing to be like anyone else.
Jazz – Just wingin it