I made a pie today she said, not just any pie, but a pie with love. A quince and apple pie.
I made a pie today, she said. Not pre-made pastry, but home made dough, made with love.
I made a pie today, she said, as she remembered back to when her Grandpa made pies. Thick English accent, flour everywhere. Cigarette smoke,
tiny kitchen with yellowing walls. He made a pie, it wasn’t just any old pie. It was a pie made with love. I remember that smile on his face, it makes sense now.
He was proud. It wasn’t just ‘a pie’. It was an apple pie, an apple pie made with love. It was a pie made when things were tough, it was a pie made when battling addiction, it was a pie made when battling his demons. He was a proud man, not always a kind man, but doing what he could with the hand he had been dealt. She knew that he loved her and all of his family.
I made a pie today, she said, staring at it cooking in the light filled kitchen, perfectly designed, spacious and clean. Remembering back to her Mum making pies when she was a child.
Never showing signs she was proud, just doing what she did. Feeding and caring for her five children, battling her own childhood demons, probably
remembering back to when her own Dad had made pies. Hoping he had pride in her. Knowing she had a strength that comes through hard times and only hard times.
I made a pie today. My very first apple pie. I also made moroccan chicken soup. I cleaned and organised my fridge. I organised the kids for school. I went grocery shopping. I laughed. I listened, I spoke to my husband. I worried about a friend. I checked on a friend having a tough time. I listened to music, I thought. I wrote.
All of these things seem like no big deal right? But you see these things are a big deal when you’re coming out of depression, anxiety and grief.
I measure my wellness on what I can do and today I made a freaking pie!! It’s a big deal. When I first was struggling with PTSD and grief after my kids accident I would often say “just two things”. I could just do two things each day and then I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Usually those two things would be getting the kids dressed and getting them fed. Some days it would be going to the shop and doing the washing. Today I did all the things and thought it was blog worthy. I got myself into a bit of a funk after losing a lot of weight last year, then rapidly putting it back on. I feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel (again) and did I mention, that there is also PIE!!
Not as pretty as some…but here it is LOL